I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
