if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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