if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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