Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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