you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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