Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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