I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I didn't shave. On purpose
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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