he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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