wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
