It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize