is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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