he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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