both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
