On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Just cropdusted the office
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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