What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
