the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
