how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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