Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
