I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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