bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
