At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
