Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
