she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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