well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
