you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
