just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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