I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
