Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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