i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
