i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
