Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
