i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're a waste of cheezeits
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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