somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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