can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
