I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We have so much sex to catch up on
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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