the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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