We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
