wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
