I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
