Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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