TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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