Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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