Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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