i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
