You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
