my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize