She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
