Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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