honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
