why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
