BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
