ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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