All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
