I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
