I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize