I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
