I want to walk on stilts...naked
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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