exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
