so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
