i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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