I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
