Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
