Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
