I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
