Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
