**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize