i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
