all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
