we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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