Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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