i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
