Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
