Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize